Vent session

23 Feb

Hitting a mental wall with CrossFit. im not where I wanted to be after all the work I have put in. Mentally and physically have hit a wall… Sometimes I just need some positive feedback from people and not just to be shadowed behind others.   I just want to be good enough. To at least deserve some praise or to be noticed . I want to be a CrossFit athlete not just fat and strong or a person who does CrossFit. 


Failure…learn from it

18 Feb

Well…my first crossfit competition is over with.  I got my ass kicked, no other way to put it. I got 53rd/ 59, but I had a blast doing it.  I am so glad that I did it and have taken so much away from the experience.  I know what areas I am weak in and what I need to do to get better.  I learned that I can push myself way harder than I had ever done before.  I exposed weaknesses and have a plan of attack to make them my strengths. 

The crossfit community is beyond amazing.  Even though most of the people I met down at TNT were trying to beat me( and they were successful at it 🙂  ). but they also were looking forward to seeing me succeed.  I was the only one doing the obstacle course when I went.  I had one arm, one foot and my chin holding me up halfway over the wall.  I was about to drop down and just take the penalty when EVERYONE (and I mean everyone) in the room was screaming at me to hold on and keep fighting for it.  It was the most embarrassing yet amazing thing.  I felt like I was gong to get over the wall or I would let 200 people down. I still can’t get over how that many people were so excited when I did what everyone else did all day. 


So don’t accept failure, learn from it and take them as a lesson on how to better yourself.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
Maya Angelou

Set backs.

31 Jan

Ugh fuck you rope climbs! I will conquer you…even though you killed me last night.  Fell down from the rope and landed on the rope that lays on the floor and tweaked my ankle pretty good.   At least being an athletic training student I know how to take care of myself.  I will take this injury as a time to really key into my diet and get my optimum recovery without losing time in the gym.  Upper body only through the weekend.  I will not let this set back ruin my training, I’ve worked way to damn hard to fall apart now. 🙂

Even though she “hates crossfit” she is one brilliant trainer and couldn’t have said anything more true,

Part of abandoning the all-or-nothing mentality is allowing yourself room for setbacks. We are bound to have lapses on the road to health and wellness, but it is critical that we learn how to handle small failures positively so that we can minimize their long-term destructive effects. One setback is one setback…it is not the end of the world, nor is it the end of your journey toward a better you.

“Discontent is the first necessity of progress.” –Thomas Edison

24 Jan

Thomas Edison said it perfectly. Without discontent, there will be no progress. This sums up the last 4 years of my life.  I was a 3 sport athlete my first year of high school. Slowly I focused on only softball and athletic training, and slowly I started to “pack on the pounds.” My junior year is when it really started to bother me.  I was getting asked if I was pregnant because I gained so much weight. I gave up going out with my friends because I was horribly embarrassed that I couldn’t wear the cute little T-shirts and tanks and booty shorts that my friends were wearing when they went out to dinner.  Slowly I socially ostracized myself because of my weight.  We went on vacation to Hawaii and I refused to leave the house we had rented because I was embarrassed of how I looked.

Fast forward to sophomore year of college and I was pushing 200 lbs. My mom and I always fought because I refused to go anywhere but school and work, I never left the house.  She always made comments about how my clothes looked or what I was eating and eventually I hit a breaking point.  I threw away all of my clothes that weren’t over sized or at least an XL. I also threw away any mirrors in my room or bathroom that weren’t screwed to the walls.  I refused to look in a mirror and I refused to dress up because in my head there was no way I would ever look good in anything so there was no point in trying.  I was sliding down a steep slippery hill of negative self talk and body image. 

My boyfriend started this workout thing called crossfit and there was no way in hell I was going to the gym with all these half naked skinny girls around me.  Eventually he convinced me to try it and by that point I was desperate to loose weight and become the 125 pound stick I was on my drivers license.  Back then I was sure the only thing that was attractive was to be stick skinny and have no muscles.  I had dabbled with restrictive eating and cutting calories in jr high and did not want to loose weight that way again.

Finally I joined Reckless CrossFit. I’ll admit it, I HATED how bad I was out of shape. I was mortified that I had let myself get like that. After my first workout I went home and cried because I was so embarrassed that I had let myself get so bad. After my first WOD I was hooked.  I loved the way it made me feel. 

I can honestly say that joining Reckless saved my life.  My family has a history of heart problems, diabetes and cholesterol problems.  Had I not started, I can guarantee that I would be diabetic and have failed out of school.  Since starting crossfit, not only am I healthier and more  self-confident, my grades have gone up and I raised my GPA almost 2 full points.  Josh and Brittany have truly changed many lives and I can’t be thankful enough that Erik talked me into joining.  

Not only am I not afraid to look in the mirror anymore, I love that I am starting to see biceps coming in, and I can feel back muscles and my legs are defined.  I love that I am no longer scared to go out for fear of looking fat.  I now have more drive and set more goals for myself to see myself succeed. 

Image This is me…the day I started crossfit and one year later.  The picture speaks for itself.  I still have a long way to go, but I can’t be happier with where I have gotten myself.


Nerves and a lesson on winning and losing

22 Jan

I have always been an athlete, ever since I can remember I have been competing in something.  And ever since I can remember I have never gotten nervous before an event or game.  Since starting CrossFit, I knew that I wanted to do a competition. My first legit competition is less than three weeks away and I am so incredibly nervous.  Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. 

What the hell, since when do I get nervous?  I know that my diet and my training are on the right track, I know that I can lift the weights and do the movements, so why in the world am I so nervous?

Am I afraid of failure, sure. Am I afraid of disappointing my coaches, duh. Am I afraid that when I get there I will forget how do deadlift, do a pull up, no. So why am I so worked up about it?

I know I won’t win, why? Because there are people who are better than me, but there are also people I am better than. How do I know that, because I don’t give up, I have the heart to finish what I start.  I have that competitive drive that will take over and get me to where I need to be.  Sure I have goals in mind of where I would like to finish in this competition, but if I don’t get there then who cares. 

What I am taking with me to this competition is going in there and attempting to have one of the best weekends ever with some of my best friends.  I’ll surely drive myself crazy thinking about this “extended weekend of working out” if I worry about winning or losing. 

The only thing I will loose at is if I go to St. Louis so worried about how I finish, is that I get the opportunity that I get to workout and train with some of the best athletes in the North Central Region, that I get to spend a weekend out with my friends, doing what I love to do.  So I guess I am not really nervous at all of where I place or how well I do.  If I just stay focused on having fun and getting an awesome experience, then I guess I won.

So go out there and do what you love, embrace it for what it is, an experience that will change your life, learn from it and grow as a person.

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”
Eleanor Roosevelt


Crossfit…frustration and friendship

18 Jan

Here’s the beautiful thing about crossfit, it picks you up one day, smashes you the next, and humbles you the day after that.  One day you will leave the gym elated because you just crushed the WOD, the next you will be scraping yourself off the floor, barely finishing the workout. But hey, your there are your doing it.  Whatever it is, you are doing what most aren’t.

Today was one of the crushing/humbling days.

Even though you don’t want to, or don’t admit that you do, you always compare yourself to others, maybe even one specific person.  It’s no different in the box. There is always that one person you try to beat or pace yourself off of, and when that person can do something you can’t, some days it just plain pisses you off to the point of not wanting to be there anymore.  Throwing in the towel for the day and going home. (Especially when you know you can do what their doing its just not clicking for you)

Thankfully for me, I have someone that is always there for me to pick me up when I am down and help guide me through the daily ups and downs.  I can not be more thankful to have her as a friend, coach and fellow athlete.  (Even though her lifts are heavier than mine and she is way tinier then me, again comparing and putting myself down).  But I am also so elated when she hits these huge over body weight PRs. (because lets face it, that’s fucking awesome) So thanks Rachel for picking me up and helping me succeed and keeping a fire lit under my ass to keep me working towards my goals by always lifting heavier than I do 🙂

“Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You…Be Free…Share.”
Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free (This truly sums up the day)

Back Again

17 Jan

well, fell off the whole blogging thing…but I’m back and back on another 30 days of paleo challenge.  Feeling good since this time I never fell off the bandwagon afterwards.  Hitting the gym hard in prep for my first legit competition.  Getting lots of motivation from my coaches to push my self to the limits, and seeing very positive results.  Can’t thank them enough for all their hard work and dedication to the box and the athletes.  Started clinical rotations at WCHS and couldn’t be more excited.  Even though I am going non stop from 7 am to about midnight it will all be worth it in the end.  (Hey if Julie Fouchet can be a med school student and compete in the crossfit games, I can make it to the gym once a day) Well hopefully I will be back soon!

No one ever drowned in sweat.”- USMC